Its important to note: It is not the nature of a death that makes it traumatic, but how the event is interpreted and processed by the individual. Whether rational or not, grieving family and friends may struggle with distressing thoughts like: When the Death Is Expected. We said no thank you because no money could ever bring my son Sean Petro back. He did very well, of course he met people I never knew. It feels very stigmatising sometimes to be bereaved by suicide and to also feel like its a relief because the person was abusive and their death by whatever means equals them not being able to hurt me again. I miss him terribly everyday of my life and will until I take my last breath and beyond. He lost his son and I my brother- Our worlds are different and there is hope in prayer and in tomorrow. I sat with him for hours each night talking, he told me that I would have to accept that he could not carry on in this world, he felt like an outcast, did not fit in or belong. I am 75 and dont want to be here. Emily December 14, 2019 at 10:31 am Reply. I dont get it. I know that no one can help me feel better but myself. Surveys have shown that 40% of adults know at least one person who has died by suicide, and upwards of 20% of adults report their lives have been significantly impacted by suicide. There is so much more but it's irrelevant to you and your experience today so, in the spirit of keeping the focus where it belongs allow me to offer these few things that have been especially healing for me: Everyone will say thisbecause it's true.it is NOT your fault and NO, you could not have stopped it. Thank you, Ive recently been searching for info approximately this subject for ages and yours is the best Ive came upon till now. No amount of time will mend this heart of ours. I dont know how to do that plus I am weak and hands arthritic. my only son was one of those 41,149 he died by suicide 09/28/13 from depression and compounded by substance abuse i miss him, Im so sorry Rose. I wish you and your family peace during this time. I am in counseling and finding this more bearable. . I dont want to accept that this is it . I thought he had hit his head on some metal struts he has for a car lift. The holidays are hard regardless after a loss, and I am sure this is only further complicated by the fact that it is the anniversary of when he took his life. This was in 2019 I still cry every day. Kelly February 18, 2022 at 4:56 pm Reply. Im falling behind because I get too exhausted from the grief to work as hard as I did when she was alive. It was hard for me to speak of to anyone at first. Sarah, Im so very sorry for your loss. No warning. Dayna lucett May 20, 2019 at 3:43 am Reply. I lost my brother the same way on April 18, 2018 just a few days ago. My husband served 20 years defending our country but no help for me now that he is gone. and our Shan b November 10, 2018 at 8:40 pm Reply. Im not a Dr, so I can only draw conclusion based on research and experience with Him. I knew the death of my father was hard on her she went thru a bad depression then she completely changed she never got drunk before but now she was drinking and smoking marijuana. We suspect he was bipolar with psychotic episodes. My husband and I were married 66 years. I just wanted to rip them out of my head. Benjamin Martin August 3, 2021 at 3:11 pm Reply. My very good and close friend from childhood committed suicide. Have these long drawn out jokes that we would be fueled by the other, usually at the expense of some verbally inferior friend. Although we werent compatible together, I never stopped loving and caring about his well being. So thats what I wanted to sharejust something I have been working on. It is surreal every time I see my neighbors car still in the driveway still sealed with stickers from the local sheriff labeled coroners investigation. Please know it gets better. I ignored messages also and a call probably 5 minutes before he done it and I am torturing myself for it. I regret that I am also in the same position and have been a long time but I have tried so many times I have lost count to get recovery, help and support to no avail! It was the reality of our relationship and the abrupt end. This is for all those who believe in light at the end of tunnel. If you are seriously thinking of hurting yourself, or even if you just need someone to talk with, please call the National Suicide Helpline at 1-800-273-8255 or visit their website where you can do a live online chat https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/, someone November 2, 2020 at 11:08 am Reply, John, I know it might be too late but dont please I know how you feel but trust me pls dont, think about how your family is going to feel, Im 13 and I know you might not take my words seriously but theres a lot to live for so please dont do it if your seeing this. So Ive carried that guilt of not being there or even not being on good terms. Its the most vacant feeling. Just ten years after being . How do I forgive him..? Im a die-hard football fan (raiders nfl and wolverines NCAA). She was so cute blushing over a boy! Please dont feel pressured by my thoughts; but dont guess that the family doesnt want to hear from you. We looked all over,in the garage and all over the house. He overdosed in October 2015 ( I did not know this until he had died in January) and it scared him enough to get into rehab, but he used again in January knowing full well that he could die. I know God has always been there for me and gotten me through a lot but Im to the point of questioning everything. You may feel angry with the person, with the world, with God, with yourself. Gary could be warm and funny, but he could also 'start a fight in an empty room'. I hope one day to live through this, carry on, and possibly get myself together enough to help others. We were drinking coffee as we talked about going for a walk over the Beacons after lock-down. He said I dont want to talk about it. But I will be moving forward on my own. I have never known loss or pain like this and I am angry upset and feel hopless. I had never tried so hard to help and failed. The anniversary of your death by suicide comes quickly and now it has passed. He ended things two days later. Hope everyone comes together and shares there thoughts and thanks for me letting this out . I still am haunted of pictures in my head of what his last few minutes were, and they impact me very deeply. I chased him our whole marriage but never seemed to reach his deepest empty space. Jeff and I had shared traumas growing up. The day he died my husband was told to name a price & not to worry about the amount. Michelle, you are right that life is cruel, but remember that your life is a gift, and even though you are in pain, there are people who understand. I wish and pray there was something I could have done, but ultimately I feel he is finally at peace and is in heaven holding our beautiful baby that we lost together. This made me not want to spend as much time with her until she resolved her issues. Wishing you strength and good days to come. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid. Your son knows how much you love him. My world is fractured. I am blessed to have two young adults sons from a previous marriage and a large network of friends keeping watch over me while I grieve, but I cant help being sadder than I ever thought possible. . He Left messages to let us know he loved us. Cookie Notice My neighbors family all left right away to stop being at the place where it happened. Even on the OK Days the dark shadow of my brothers suicide is always close by. Its the Medical schools dirty little secret. Ever since Ive been in mental therapy and on meds, and I whenever someone makes a joke about suicide or dying It makes my depression kick in and all the memories of the funeral come back. He had been living with me after getting in a fight with his girlfriend. That hed had great losses as a consequence. More than anything I just wish he said a simple goodbye to me before walking out the door. Lorraine Malonson April 1, 2019 at 8:55 pm Reply. If I would have made him get help, he would still be here. seems like we need to chat I have a few questions for you. The man I loved for almost 12 years, the charming, fun, spontaneous, passionate and tender hearted one, was also a tornado of narcissism, addiction, indifference, and at times cruelty, that absolutely ripped through my life and sucked me wholly into his center. Only hope is that eventually will start to feel better. He said he was disgusting human being with a sick fucked up head who deserved nothing but pain and death. I have several irrational regrets that just wont fade, despite the logical side of me refuting them. But you can hear it in their voice its not. Thank you for your kind words Leesa,sorry for your loss x, Christina February 12, 2019 at 10:31 pm Reply. I laid back down and heard the voicemail chime, I read the transcribe and saw words indicating an officer called. And that his kindness was laced with volatility, and that more often. On June 3, 2019, Anthony shot and killed his 53-year-old father, Burt Templet. They informed me that shortly before 1pm, she stepped in front of a westbound freight train 1.5 miles away from home. Ive blamed myself for not being the son that I should have been. These stories are extremely sad but comforting, as we all loved the person who saw death as their release. Theres never a day that I dont miss her. If I was a nicer person, he would still be here. She had called their relationship of. He walked down to a hay bale and sat up against it and killed himself; shooting himself in the back of the head. Hi, Im so very sorry for your loss. Going for the jugular in arguments. I dont think all the time in the world will heal how i feel. We had been drinking and he pulled over for drunk driving. he was only seventeen and it hurts it hurts so bad he was basically my older brother and i miss him so much it hurts and then another friend of mine went to prison not long after and it sucks i know i still have friends and all but sometimes all i can think of is when i found out my friend killed himself like i had just gotten a math test and a friend had messaged me and everyone else in the friend group that he was in the hospital and we didnt know if he was dead and all i remember is thinking that he cant be dead no way he always bounces back. I am sure you and your sister can benefit from it too. Then I explain it to people what happened. https://m.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/557/birds-bees, Recurrent intrusive thoughts about the death. Its exhausting at timesso want to find some peace around it! I would ask my doctor if he or another doctor he knows, could tell me the answer to that. At 5:15 pm there was a knock at the door and it was 2 local police officers. He was 20 years old and he was so smart and funny and was always helping me and his brother. I do realize, though, that some of you wont read this post all the way through. emily@thereissstudio.com, Lily November 21, 2019 at 5:36 pm Reply. He and I met many years ago, and we felt so intrigued-we recognized each other and wanted very much to date, but I was very scared and pulled away. Last week, I got a tattoo of his initials. I see all these comments and understand the shadow of some of the pains. Its okay if you never feel angry There is no right way to grieve. I know he had been depressed but didnt want to get help. This action was all my Mother felt she could give to us, I dont need anyone in my family to give me validation of this, my heart knows. Then started asking if anything happens to him will I help his wife with the boys. My mother by that time had developed Alzheimers disease and was in a nursing home. We did not have a sister relationship anymore. Jeff and I were extremely close. My 24-year-old son took his life last month. Deborah Smith July 8, 2016 at 9:07 am Reply. Nobody could make me feel as good about myself as he could. My little sister shot herself in the head a week ago. I walked straight into my sons room to see if he was awake and he looked like he was asleep, I went over to him because he wasnt covered up like he normally does. The last thing I said to her was: I want to see you first thing, on the first day of highschool. My only sibling. I had recentlylearned that my best friend had just hung herself. I came to realize that my youngest son who took his life by suicide had those very same feelings of hopelessness and believing that there wasnt a cure for his feelings and emotional pain, but his death is attached to a stigma. I was amazed at his strength and conviction to live his life as the person he wanted. I prevented them, but finally started to distance myself from her. He had been a drug addict for years. Is it my fault? . It was a Saturday that she took her life and we spent one of the most beautiful day together making each other happy. The next day was a family meeting. It is so hard when theres nobody who can understand this pain. I already see myself as a failure as a brother, it doesnt matter if people try to comfort me by saying otherwise. All the best to you. May God help me get through another day as each day is a challenge and no one knows just what his death has done to my soul. Remember that you will get through . My heart goes out to each and every one of you and as others have suggested here: seek help. He was the better person by far. FallenAngel January 10, 2021 at 1:39 am Reply. Hang in there We are all pulling for you. We live in separate towns and the day before he died he wrote me a text. Please dont take your lack of connection here as an indication that you are alone in all of this. My precious son suffered from Bipolar Disorder, his told me there is no hell, hell is here on this earth ! You may not think so, but you can. Im so sorry, Dee. I panicked and started to plead and beg the woman I loved more than life, more than living ,well more than anything to please stop and not do this. I lived with him for 6 years and still cannot fathom why he did this. Maybe just a couple words here and there. Would get defensive and argumentative. Anyway, Im just looking to connect with anyone that also lost their significant other- especially after they had a baby. I miss my dad so much. How do we reconcile that we werent worth living for? I really hope you can cope in some way. I hated the curiosity, the judging, the blaming and the scrutiny that I got from friends and family. He was going through immense depression at such a young age of 17. My dad killed himself exactly a month ago on Fathers Day. I read the whole article, yes it was an informative subject.., but I was kinda hurt when I read your do and dont instructions.. Do say She killed herself or She died by suicide I find it a careless and judging expression on a suicide victim. Its hard for me to say he died by suicide, because it was depression that took his life. The wife happily signed over his body, belongings. Reading this is so surreal and mind blowing that I just feel deep deep sadness that will last forever. If you die, your kids will have a rough time of it. His father, a pastor who was very loving, kind, and compassionate, was a rock to David. MAY. in the 5 years since my loss i have been lower than i thought possible , but with the right help i am now blossoming into the person i should have always been, at 20 i am now a recovered addict of 2 years, i am a mother to the most beautiful little soul i have ever had the honour to welcome into my life, i am studying to become a nurse, i am happy. Guilt? I have isolated myself, some days getting out of bed is impossible. I just couldnt believe it. My dad got up on a ladder a few days later but my uncle was able to talk him down. I wish you well and one day happiness but like me you will never forget . By the grace of God I am still here fighting the fight against suicide and our then so youg baby is now halfway through college as she graduated early and onto her dream of being a special effects make up designer. I am so, so sorry. I didnt really like this guys other friends either, and I said to her that Ill just come knock for her in the morning if I dont turn up.. ( that phone call.. could of changed our lifes if it went differently ). I think I have grief guilt. If I didnt have my faith and the knowledge that I know that we will be together with him again someday, it would be so much harder for me. I do things that I know my brother would enjoy doing, para-sailing, for example. It is impossible to know exactly what dreams mean, but typically dreams like this are our subconscious trying to work things out. A book for everyone. I will never stop loving him. I miss him dearly. You will survive. My brother killed himself in February 1986. You are the most important person in your life yes, you should think about others and do all that you can to help them, too, but you should always come first on the basest level. He didnt want to be here when she left and he felt like hed already lost her. I am physically sick over it and cannot stop imagining the terror he must have felt in his last moments. I pour my energies into my marriage and my children now, and have mostly made peace with the fact that I will remain at least partly damaged for the rest of my life. My friend was a veteran and my neighbor. I still feel like Im in shock a little bit, half expecting him to show up. I cant imagine ever being normal again. My mother suffered a major heart attack after the news from the shock. I saw the crusted wound from the open casket we had for his funeral the . We had text daily for a long time, I always knew he was unhappy, but not that kind of unhappy. As I move forward, I keep this in mind. Dont be afraid to cry. I know my daughter needed to know so I looked her friends mother up on social media and learned that she worked with a friend of mine. This is how I learned it was suicide which left me deeply crazed for more information. A person with ALS loses their ability to walk, talk, swallow, move and breath. I blame her as she has no emotions due to his death. No note, no reason therefore no answers. I know its gonna suck but its also going to help. She finally switched physicians and got the new one to prescribe her a lethal dose of a blood pressure medication that she told them she takes for migraines (she had never taken it before, I figured this out after her death by going through her emails and the possessions that the police returned to me). Different family members come up with varying explanations for why their loved one died by suicide. How long will I feel this way? If you are someone grappling with this concern, know that it is normal. Outside of the group, TJ and I had beers about a half a dozen times and so did some of the others in the group get together with him on their own. No signs no nothing of this ever happening. Thats the only way I will ever say it. I miss him so much. He suffered from PTSD, depression and the most crippling anxiety! I NEED PRAYERS ASAP AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE! His mother was on the phone with me when I found him. This article may be of some support https://whatsyourgrief.com/grieving-someone-you-didnt-like/. My boyfriend of nine years died by suicide only 7 weeks ago. Hes in surgery now. I had to hand the phone to my boyfriend. He had a hard family life, and now that I think more about this, maybe he needed love and affection from multiple girls because he wasnt secure in himself and didnt receive that kind of love at home. You name it. No one understand what a hole I have in my heart. I worked my way up from agricultural fields into the technical and academia world. Im heartbroken for all involved. He had just come back to live with me 3 days after living with his brother for 3 months. If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them.